line.
So – how close and long can a person get to a line without crossing over? How about if a person is on the right side of the line (vs. the wrong – not the left side J ) and is so close that their shoe doesn’t “totally” cross over – are they still in the “right”?
Well – not for me. I’ve been quiet, distant, and afraid this past month of October. After sitting down yesterday (Saturday) and being honest with my self and my list of goals – being within a millimeter of crossing “that line” has been wrong, non-productive, and in a sense a lie of deceit. (Insert note – our Ladies Bible Study on Thursdays just started “Lies Women Believe” Wow.). Quiet and distant because I’ve been riding the line. No, not officially off the bandwagon – just pushing my limits. Afraid, because I’ve been uncommitted to God to beg for the help I need in this weigh loss journey – fight.
Do you wonder what I mean by being on the line but not crossing over? Here are a few examples:
#1 – Working out for the designated time. But doing it listlessly, not with the purpose of getting worked up and glistening. Plodding along…
#2 – Sticking to the diet – but still making bad choices. Did you know you could do that? Sure you can – by choosing to eat another piece of chicken and avoiding fresh vegetables.
#3 – By getting an average of 4-5 hours a sleep of night…. For over 30 days – no naps.
#4 – Not taking my vitamins. Oh, and yes, doing that three times a day would definitely put me up at my necessary water intake.
#5 – Not daily beseeching God for grace to get through the day as a happy child of the King. Not praying for each one of you and selfishly looking at my problems/struggles A.L.L. of the time.
Now it is time for the most painful, horrible admission: This past Monday after weigh in – I crossed the line and have been living in sinful oblivion for 6 days. There will be massive setbacks on Monday for weigh-in – I can tell… oh how I can tell in so many different areas and ways.
But the positive side to all this…. And yes, there is one (ok – several, but I’ll just name one!). I have had this person email me several times out of the blue – almost like a little voice of conscience saying, “Hey girl, where are you?” and then “Ok, where ARE YOU?” Yes this internet voice has scared me… but not like you think…. I’ve been scared because she knows how I know – that if you don’t have fruits of loosing weight while saying you are dieting and exercising – the odds are good that the good ole dividing line has either been crossed or you are in danger of crossing it. I can now say this voice of reason has been used of God in nudging to writing this post.
So Ladies- I’m coming to you bared (again), and slowly, slowly backing away from that line that at first was ridden, eventually crossed, and then leaped back.
I need to start at square one in my training and mindset…..but I’m back.
Super De Duper tremenjously BIG hugs going out to you Kat!! And a round of applause too. Way to step up and put it all out there!!!
LOVE YOU!!!!
Comment by blestwithsons — October 29, 2006 @ 1:05 pm
I’ve been so over that line this week, but I’m back. And I salute you Kat for having the courage to write this post.
Comment by Debs — October 29, 2006 @ 2:04 pm
Thank you so much for the love - and support. But just for the love - it really does mean a lot to me.
Comment by Kat — October 30, 2006 @ 9:34 am
Yeah! Welcome back to the other side of the line!
It is so easy to stand at the very edge. Thanks for being bold in sharing where you are in this.
Comment by Anita — October 30, 2006 @ 3:58 pm
You mean there is a line? It must be so far behind me that I crossed it years ago. I too have got my motivation back (I lose it so easily.) You are an inspiration.
Comment by Leigh Ann — October 30, 2006 @ 6:33 pm