Hi, everyone! My name is Carrie and I blog over at Mommy Brain. I “know” Angie, Leann, Blest, and Laura from reading their blogs and I am looking forward to getting to know the rest of you here and on your main blogs.
I love food. I can relate to Leigh Ann, who said, “I eat when I am depressed. I eat when I am upset. I eat when I am bored. I eat because “I deserve it”. I eat when I am stressed. I eat to celebrate. I eat to reward myself for making it through the day. I eat to medicate. Food is my drug of choice…” Those words coud’ve just as easily been typed by me.
I started gaining weight when puberty hit. I was eating to stuff away hurts from sexual abuse by a priest (we were Catholic until I was twelve). I was eating to stuff away anger at my mom for not loving me more than her “ministry”. I was eating to stuff away sadness over a father who loved me but was emotionally distant because of his own hurts. I remember one summer when I was babysitting to earn school clothes money - every day I would take the children on a walk to the store, buy a quart of ice cream, and eat the entire thing. Eat until I was sick and couldn’t move.
My weight continued to climb through high school and college and our marriage. I did manage to lose about 30 pounds on the Weigh Down plan, but then I got angry at God over some unresolved issues with my parents and ate. And ate. And ate.
This sounds like I’m making a lot of excuses for my eating. I now see it for what it is: sin. As Christians, we are not to be controlled by anything but the Holy Spirit. I took my hurts and anger and fears to the refrigerator instead of to the foot of the Cross. I can only imagine how it must grieve God when I do that.
Last summer, I was preparing to teach our Women’s Bible Study for fall quarter. The book I taught on was Heaven by Randy Alcorn. In the church, there is a prevalent idea that anything to do with our bodies or the flesh is inherently sinful. This book demonstrated how false doctrines from Platonism had crept into the church and obliterated the fact that God created us body, mind, and soul - a whole being. Adam and Eve had bodies and were perfect and sinless - until they chose to sin. Our bodies and how we treat them are very important to God. Not only in the area of immorality, but in the area of health. As I came to realize this and was convicted of the years I’ve wasted in overeating and being unhealthy, I made a commitment to the Lord and to myself.
During the summer, I started swimming with my family in the evenings. I was at the highest weight I’ve ever been: 333 pounds. I swam 10 very slow laps three or four nights a week. I didn’t think it was working, but I kept at it, hoping that exercise would be enough to make the weight start falling off.
In October, my husband encouraged me to go to a Weight Watchers meeting. At weigh-in, I found I had lost 9 pounds. I listened to the instructor lay out the program and knew this was something I could do. I started the Flex plan, counting points, and the weight started to come off. By February I weighed 283. 50 pounds gone - the weight of my 8-year-old!
Then in February I began having some health problems that I won’t bore you with. And the old habit of stress-eat-stress-eat kicked in again. I let it kick in again. I’ve gained 11 pounds back, my weight this morning was 294. Just last week I told my husband that I needed to get back on track. We’ve had some financial setbacks that have kept me from attending the meetings, and though I thought I could do it on my own without the accountability, I was wrong. When I saw Blest’s post about this blog, I knew this was the answer.
There is so much more to this weight loss journey than looking thin. It’s so relative! I look at Leann’s picture and think - if only I could get down to that weight, I’d be so happy! I’m 5′5″. I will be extremely pleased to get down to 140 pounds. I’ll have to see if I, no WHEN, I get down closer to that goal how far I need to go to be healthy.
My goals:
- To be able to run with my children
- For my knees to stop aching when I climb stairs
- To be able to visit my sister and Boise and not worry that the airline is going to tell me I need to buy two tickets
- To feel good!
- To learn to trust God in all things and not turn to food for solace
There are a lot more, but this post is long enough. One thing I am grateful for - I have a husband who loves me and desires me. He wants me to be healthy, but has never pushed me or made me feel like he is ashamed of me. He is proud of me for starting on this journey - a journey that I expect will take a couple of years. One day at a time….
Carrie - I could relate to so much of what you wrote. As I was reading I was thinking “that sounds like me too”.
I think unless we reach the place that we put God into the equation, we’re just floundering around. I too have plenty to “blame” my weight on, but through God we can find freedom! You’ve hit the nail on the head Carrie - that is major progress indeed!
I am sooooo glad you’ve joined this group. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better and watching you transform.
Comment by Blair — July 27, 2006 @ 2:45 pm
PS - Your hubby sounds a lot like mine. He’s never once said anything about my weight and I do know he desires me. He’s also my biggest cheering section when I acheive my goals (whatever they are). We are fortunate women Carrie and I’ll join you in your thankfulness!
Comment by Blair — July 27, 2006 @ 2:48 pm
Carrie, I’m so glad you were finally able to post! Welcome!! I did a short stint on Weigh Down myself once. There were some good lessons there… But with four boys I can’t get too into the “eat sloooowly” idea. If I don’t eat fast, I don’t get to eat!
My husband is a doll too - but I have to tease him a little. When he came home Monday and I told him I had joined the South Beach program he gave me this strange look. I said, “No no no. That is not what supportive looks like. That is what dubious looks like. This (making face) is supportive!” He was quick to explain that he wasn’t dubious - he was just startled by my going with a plan other than what we had discussed. Of course, then I had to explain why I needed another blog… hee hee hee
Comment by blestwithsons — July 27, 2006 @ 2:57 pm
Girl, you have come so far already!!! There is that just right weight for each of us and I am praying as we work together that we will each find that spot. I am so glad you are here!!!!! You and I have some other health issues that I am hoping we can work through together. I know that yeast and chronic sinus issues plague us and that can change as our health changes. You know I am holistic in many of my approaches and if you ever, EVER want to know anything just ask and we can find it together if I don’t know the answer (which often I do not -
) Welcome aboard!!!!!
Comment by Leann — July 27, 2006 @ 3:06 pm
welcome, Carrie -
And congratulations on losing so much weight already. I hope that this blog can help you get going again! I know that it is helping me to step in the right direction for once.
Comment by Tracy — July 27, 2006 @ 4:18 pm
Thank you for all your wonderful comments - I can tell this is going to be a great group of ladies to get to know!
Comment by Carrie — July 27, 2006 @ 5:31 pm