Let’s see… It’s November 8th. As of tomorrow, it will be a paltry (or should I say poultry?) two weeks until that Great American Day of Gluttony known as Thanksgiving. My family will be staying home, and as far as I know we won’t have company, so I will reign supreme in the kitchen -which is as it should be! 
I’ll post my menu plans later, as they fully coalesce. (any day you get to use the word coalesce is a good day) But I know that many of you will be joining family, and many of you will be under the reign of another wielder of the spatula of caloric destiny. What to do? What to do? What do you do when Aunt Gwladys offers you a mammoth piece of pumpkin pie and looks as if she will be cut-you-out-of-the-will offended if you don’t scarf down every morsel and beg for more? How do you turn down Cousin Bobbie’s Sweet Potato Casserole as she looks at you with mournful eyes?
Let me tell you a little story…. This story actually took place long before I became the fat-burning blest you see before you. But at least I had reached the point of not eating when I wasn’t hungry. I was at my in-laws for a visit. Now my in-laws are wonderful people. Seriously. But they are true Southerners. (I like to say I married Andy of Mayberry) And Southerners may be the reigning champs at force-feeding family and friends. We had just had dinner and my mother-in-law was hovering like a honeyed helicopter. “Would you like some dessert?” she asked me sweetly. (pun totally intended)
“No thanks” I said, “I’m full.”
“We’ve got cake. Oh and we have ice cream”
“I’m good. Thanks”
“Or we have candy. And I think there’s some cookies in the pantry”
At this point, I must admit, I lost my temper. “Wanda,” I said a bit sharply, “Have you not noticed that I’m fat?!” This is a brutal thing to do to a very sweet Southerner, by the way. Confronted with such a blatant truth, she started to stammer.
“Well, uh. I…ahh. Um. Well…..yes.” My mother-in-law is a registered nurse, by the way. If she’d said no, I woulda called the Board of Health. 
“Then why do you keep offering me desserts?!” I continued. (I’m a beast) She didn’t really have a response to that one. Needless to say, she quit pushing sweets at me. She does still tempt me with popcorn though. 
Look. You have every right to say No to foods that will sabotage your efforts at becoming healthy. Do not let anyone tell you that it is rude or that you are being selfish or hurtful. If you think about it, it’s downright silly for someone else’s emotional well-being to rest on what you put in your mouth. Don’t let anyone pressure you. You can say No. By all means, say it nicely. Try not to give people anything to argue with. Don’t get trapped into silliness such as “Oh but you look fine, you don’t need to lose weight.” or “But one little piece won’t hurt”. Just keep repeating “No thank you.” with a big smile on your face. (preferably a tight-lipped one so they can’t sneak a spoonful of something in there) And if you have to, rip a page out of my playbook and quietly state some blatant truths.
“Aunt Gwladys, I love you. I’m here spending TIME with you because I do. But I don’t want to have high blood pressure, strain my heart and lungs, and die young. And I don’t think you want that for me either. So how’s bout I skip the pie and just have a cup of coffee with you”
Or how about
“Cousin Bobbie, how exactly does my eating a large serving of something bad for me make you feel good?”
Okay. Maybe these are a bit over the top. Maybe not. But here’s one that you can do…Take the high ground from the moment you arrive. If there is a person liable to pressure you, turn that pressure to your advantage. Before the meal begins, strike up a chat about how hard you’ve been trying to get healthy, and how you need to avoid certain things, and would this person be so kind as to help you stay the course? “I know you want me to be healthy, Grandma, so I can be a better mom to your great grandkids. So can you help me resist the sweets? If you see me heading for the dessert table, whack me with your cane, okay?” How can she resist an opportunity like that?
Look, little kids have a power we would do well to emulate. Any mother or child-care person knows that you can’t make a kid eat anything. You just can’t. You can threaten, you can bribe, you can force it in their jaws… But you can’t make them eat. Hey, I once managed to make my oldest taste something he didn’t want to taste…he threw up on the table. I’m not saying you should do that, but take some of that childish stubbornness with you to the family gatherings. Anyone who truly loves you will want what’s best for you, and what’s best for you is not that you gratify someone’s ego by eating unhealthy foods. Got it?
Friends don’t let friends eat crap.
Just Say No!
Thanks Blest - across the pond I don’t have to worry about Thanksgiving, but I was beginning to think about Christmas with some dread. Hey, will we weigh in on Christmas day? It’s a Monday, right?!!
Comment by Debs — November 8, 2006 @ 5:47 am
You are so funny! Thanks for this. Why does it seem so hard to say “No”? I don’t want to feel guilty anymore for saying this word that is such a taboo. I don’t want my kids to feel guilty for saying it either.
Comment by Tami — November 8, 2006 @ 6:27 am
Amen, blest! Great post.
I find it interesting that my skinniest friends don’t have any problem saying no. But then again, they don’t seem to have that people-pleasing gene either
Comment by lady laura — November 8, 2006 @ 7:48 am
That was great! And… this is what I do… I say ok, but only a sliver, I take a couple of bites and then make my husband eat it. He has the burn-it-all-off-no-matter-what-he-eats genes from his dad, so I figure it’s his duty to save me.
Comment by Anita — November 8, 2006 @ 11:53 am
Thanks for this! My mom seems to have already started on the “you can’t NOT eat” thing!!! Thanks for this and giving me ideas on what to say!
Comment by L — November 22, 2006 @ 7:19 am
I ust love this post, thanks! I need reminders like this sometimes!
Comment by kimberly — November 27, 2006 @ 9:16 am
My father’s family is so emotionally tied to food that they would bully and cajole my diabetic great grandfather into eating dessert. SOmehow they couldn’t enjoy theirs if someone else wasn’t eating it as well. And don’t even think of saying something about not wanting teaa. (A little bit never hurt anybody tea is good for you, it won’t kill you….)MY mother started making him special sugar free chocolates and cakes so that he could have a plate of dessert nearby and people would leave him alone.
Good post. Some of those lines are as blunt as would be neccessary for my family to get the picture. Though, “Are you trying to kill me?” never seemed to work.
Comment by carrien — November 27, 2006 @ 2:22 pm